Bleeding out
by MBAV4ever
Summary: 'Some of us have to cry their self to sleep. Some of us are hurt. But one thing we all have in common: We have a smile on our face to hide our tears.' BoyxBoy (I'll try to make this story in English. If you find anything that isn't right, please say it to me.) WARNING: Self-harm
1. Chapter 1

**_Hey guys,_**

**_This is my first story in English so I know not everything will be good. I only had English for 3 years and we only learned easy words and a little bit grammar. If you find any thing that isn't good please tell me and I fix it._**

**_I came up with this story when I was listening to ''Bleeding out'' by Imagine Dragons._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own MBAV. (A lot things would have changed if I did ;) ). I do own the storyline _**

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_Chapter 1_

Benny looked down at his arm. He saw his blood dripping on the bathroom floor. No one knows what he did. Not his grandma, Rory, not even Ethan. If they would knew what he did... Benny couldn't even think about it. They would say that he had to stop. That this could ruin his life.

But the only thing was that his life already was ruined. He knew he had to stop doing this, he wanted to stop. If he could do it, but he couldn't.

He had the feeling that he didn't disserved to live. That the world would be better if he was never born. That if he was dead no one would notice it. He was just another geek jocks could pick one. Why living this life if he could end it? Everybody dies, so why couldn't he already die.

Still feeling the pain, Benny put his sleeve down to cover the scars. He didn't know how many it were. He only knew that they weren't enough.

Now he had to play the same act he did everyday. Smiling at everything and acting like nothing happened.

He became really good at this. People believed him and didn't asked any questions.

Benny didn't liked the fact that he had to lie to his friends. It surprised him that Rory, Sarah or Erica didn't noticed the old blood on his arm. As vampires they could've know it, right? But that didn't matter.

Benny started to get ready for school. He hated thought, but he had to. The only reason he likes going to school is because he can see Ethan. Every time benny saw him he felt happy again. Maybe that's why they're best friends. Sometimes it felt like there was more then only friendship, but he didn't know what it was. Maybe because they were almost brothers? He couldn't lay his finger on it.

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_**I know this chapter was really short and I know it sucked. But I'll try to make the next chapter longer:)**_

_**Ideas are welcome. X**_

_So I bare my skin _

_And I count my sins _

_And I close my eyes_

_And I take it in _

_I'm bleeding out _

_I'm bleeding out for you (for you)_


	2. Chapter 2

**Dominus Trinus 13**: **It wasn't my Idea to do too much romance. Especially since they don't know yet how they feel about each other. Oh, and I have read your story I just forgot to review*Oops*. It was pretty good.**

**Jujupops494: Sorry I can't promise that I'll do that. It's a good idea thought. **

**Bethan Forever: I know there aren't that much stories about Benny hurting himself. I just wanted to be original and for some people it's a touchy subject. By the way, thanks for posting this story on The Bethan Fans' community.**

**Thanks for reading! :)**

_**The chapter will now be in Benny's POV.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own MBAV. If I did there will be a season 3. I do own the storyline.**_

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_Chapter 2_

**_~At school~_**

I stood by my locker putting things in it. I tried to thing about happy things so I could survive today. It's not as easy as it looks like if your head is full of other things. But at least I could try it.

I didn't had PE today so that was a good thing. If I had it I would wear T-shirt and that isn't a good idea. Right now I'm wearing a sweater to cover up the scar. People maybe think I'm crazy because of the weather, but that's better then when they find out that I cut myself. That would make my life only more miserable.

''Hey Benny. How are you?'' I turned around and saw Ethan. A smile was formed on my face.

''It always could be better.'' I replied. ''But I'm okay.'' ''Are you sure? You look a little pale.'' Ethan looked at me with a worried face. I knew I was paler then I used to be. But what would you except? I've lost some blood so that's normal.

''Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired.'' ''Okay, if you say so.'' I had the feeling that he didn't trusted me. I wanted to tell him the truth, but it isn't easy to say. 'I'm okay. Oh, and by the way, I cut myself.' It would be a long talk if I told him that. He would tell me that I had to hold and I wouldn't listen to that because I'm to stubborn. Yeah, maybe I could better not tell him.

''Have you seen Sarah lately?'' Ethan said. Probably to change the subject. I was glad he did, because I just didn't want to talk about it.  
''I haven't seen her. Maybe Erica knows were see is.'' I didn't care were Sarah was. I didn't hate her, but I just get a strange feeling when I'm around her. I didn't know it is, but I didn't like it. Maybe it's because Ethan was my best friend since we were six and now he so close with her and... No I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?  
Just because Ethan really likes her. I'm not jealous.  
''Earth to Benny.'' ''What?'' ''I just asked if you were ready to go.'' I nodded slowly. ''Sorry, like I said 'I'm just a little tired.''  
We began to walk to the class.

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_**Okay really try my best to make longer chapters. Thanks for reading! xxx**_

_Oh, you tell me to hold on_

_You tell me to hold on_

_But innocence is gone_

_And what was right is wrong _


	3. Chapter 3

**funkybananas47: Awww thank you!**

**bethanloverxox: I'm not going to change this story only because you want Ethan to be the one to cut himself. This is how image it. I think It's better if Benny cuts himself, (That sounded wrong) because I've have more ideas with him then with Ethan. If you don't like it then don't read it. Like the Info/Summary said this is a Bethan story.**

**TeamEthanMorgan: Ethan would be more awesomer (Is that even a word? :) ) if he tried to win Sarah's heart but Benny's :). At least he noticed something. You know what? I think Benny really needs your hug. Thnx for reading!**

**CrazeLucius: I already thought about doing a Ethan POV. But that will be in the end. And I know my chapters are short I try to make them longer. Maybe it's better if I first write the story in Dutch and then take my time to translate it in English. I'll try that for the next chapter.**

**Bethan Forever: To be honest, I don't like Sarah either. Okay we get it your ex-boyfriend bit you and now you're a vampire (Which I think can be pretty awesome) But he could suck you dry so be happy that you're still alive!...For now. I don't understand why Ethan would have a crush on her. He's too good for her. If he could see what was right in front of him all these years (And if this show wasn't for kids)... Yeah that would be better.**

**Dominus Trinus 13: Maybe Sarah is the reason. Maybe she isn't. Maybe it's something else. Haha I can't tell you.**

**Okay I'll try to update this story every Saturday around 8 p.m., Central European standard time (Amsterdam). If I didn't update it's because I had to much homework or things with Volleyball (I have every Saturday or Friday a Volleyball competition).**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own MBAV (Maybe if I did I would like Sarah a little more.). I do own the storyline.**

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_Chapter 3_

I just don't understand how it came that everything seemed normal but felt different. I know it sounds weird, but I just don't feel like the old me anymore. It's hard to hide it. It's all my fault. I should never start doing it in the first place. I could just ignore everything like the others do. Instead of doing that I have to hurt myself more. It's slowly taking control over me. These past weeks there wasn't a day that I didn't cut myself.

Hopefully Ethan didn't noticed anything. He was probably thinking about Sarah. Why would he even care about me if he had her. I'm his friend now, but what if Ethan finds out that Sarah likes him back? No Benny, don't think about that. Sarah doesn't like like Ethan. He isn't her type. They're just friends. You're still his best friend, nothing to worry about.

And if he and Sarah became a thing I would still have Rory, right? Ugh.. Why do I always have to think about things like this. I have better things to do. Like... Focussing on this class. Not that I really cared about it. But hey, it's better then thinking about these stupid things.

''Why don't you make any notes?'' Ethan asked me. I looked at my notebook and saw that there was nothing in it. I shrugged. ''I can copy them from you, right?''

Ethan rolled his eyes. ''Yeah, you can. But if I was you I should pay attention. I know this isn't your best class.'' English wasn't my best class, but that's just because hates me. I can't help it that her way of teaching is boring. She could be more fun if she wasn't so strict. And she gives to much homework. She isn't very loved by students.

Fortunately, the bell rang. I tried to walk away when I was out the classroom, but Ethan grabbed my arm.

''Can we talk.'' I looked at him for a time and try to speak, but he began to talk again. ''It's important.'' I only nodded. What was so important?

I followed him as we walked outside the school. A lot of questions came in my head. It was quiet for a time. Finally Ethan began to speak.

''What's with you lately? You started to act..different. Your so quiet.'' So that's what he wanted to talk about. ''I told you earlier, E. I'm just tired.'' Tired of life. If he only knew.

''But that's not a reason to act different. Just tell me Benny I'm your best friend. You can tell me everything.'' I never told him everything. He didn't now what happened to my parents in that magic battle. He didn't even know that there was a magic battle. Before all these supernatural stuff grandma told me that they died in a car crahs, but now I know that they died in a magic battle.

''I know that I can tell you everything. I always do.'' Lie. ''So why don't you trust me this time?'' ''Because I know that there is something. I can see it.''

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**Thanks for reading! XXX**

**_When the day has come_  
_ But I've lost my way around_  
_ And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground_  
_ When the sky turns gray_  
_ And everything is screaming_  
_ I will reach inside_  
_ Just to find my heart is beating_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I didn't update on Saturday I didn't felt so well. (Throwing up and all that kind of stuff It happens almost every month...) **

**Reviews!**

**bethanloverxox: It's okay, but I didn't say that benny wasn't going to be the 'Boy' in the relationship. I only said that he cuts himself. A girl can comfort a guy to. And BTW I love Bethan too. It's so much better then the other ships. (Sorry guys who ship EthanxSarah an BennyxErica. I just don't like these ships.)**

**MissPrincessE: Aww thank you. I try my best. It's a easier language then French. But German is a little easier for me because it looks like Dutch :). Is it mysterious? I didn't know that, but that's good. Thanks for following!**

** funkybananas47: Hahaha LOL. Here's your second shout out.**

**TeamEthanMorgan:Ethan has a lot more to find out. But I'm not going to tell ya! I totally ship Bethan too (Otherwise I wouldn't make this story) And don't keep Benny for yourself I want to hug my tall friend too! (He isn't that much taller then me. I mean, He's 5'11. I'm 5'10, 13 years old and still growing. :) But that doesn't matter)**

**Dominus Trinus 13: I know the chapter are short. It's not only because I'm not so good in English (It's my best class :) ) , But I'm also kinda lazy... Hopefully this chapter is a bit longer.**

**Bethan Forever: It took him almost a month to find out that there was something wrong with Benny, but he still doesn't know what's wrong with him. And thanks for noticing my mistake. It was 23.00 p.m. so I was a little tired :). Here's the new update hopefully you like it :).**

**You guys know the Disclaimer. I don't own MBAV blablablabla.**

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_Chapter 4_

''Benny why wont you tell me what's wrong?'' Ethan asked. I shook my head.

''Because, there is nothing. How many times do I have to say that! I'm just tired, accept that!'' ''Then why are you like this. You've been acting strange. This isn't the Benny I know.'' He tried to stay calm, but I could see that it wasn't easy for him. I on the other hand started raising my voice. ''Sometimes that happens, E! Ever heard of puberty? That's when these fucking hormones starting to mess with your body and you change!. '' I didn't care that other people were looking, I just wanted to go away.

"I can't always be the happy person you know! Ever thought about why I'm always like that?'' He didn't react. ''Why would you even care. Ever since you started to know Sarah I've been the third wheel. Do you know how that feels? No you don't!'' ''Benny that isn't...'' I didn't let him speak. How would he know that it isn't true.

''If it wasn't true, then you would know what is wrong with me. But no, all you care about is Sarah. She doesn't like you, E! Your just another nerd to her.''

I stared to walk away. ''Benny!'' Ethan Screamed, but I didn't care. Deep down I hated myself for saying these things, but I didn't had a choice. He would probably forget everything by tomorrow. Otherwise I have to avoid him.

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I opened the door of my house and saw that grandma wasn't home. Good, then she wont ask me why I was home so early.

I went to my room and looked at my phone. Ethan had called me a few times. I didn't want to speak to him. Would you blame me. Maybe he's mad or sad... or worried? No, I won't call him back. That will only bring problems.

Stupid me. Why did I said all these things to him. I didn't mean to. Maybe it are just the hormones. Or I'm really that stupid.

''Ugh.'' I groaned. '' Why is life so unfair?'' I heard footsteps coming closer. Who could that be.

''Benny? Is that you?'' Oh no. I hearted someone opening the door. When I looked up I saw grandma standing in front of me.

''Benjamin why are you home?'' She asked me. I looked shocked at her. ''Uhm..I-...I didn't feel so well. Yeah, I..I threw up in the toilet and...'' ''I don't have to hear all the details I just wanted to know why you're here and not on school.'' She looked at me for a long time. Hopefully she falls for it. ''You look a little pale. Maybe you should take some rest.'' Thank you! ''Do you need anything?'' ''No, no I'm fine.'' I said with a fake smile. She nodded and left the room. That went better than I thought it would be.

Okay, grandma cares about me, but that could be all a act. Maybe she only did this because she doesn't have that much family left. That could be it.

''In the end nobody would care if I'm not here.'' I told myself. '' I'm can't to anything right, I'm weak, I'm dumb. I just don't deserve to life..'' The same things I told myself everyday. First other people started to say this to me. And now, every time I say it to myself I start to believe it. ''Nobody would care if I die.''

I didn't want to cut myself today. Believe I never wanted to do it in the first place. The first time I did it I was to afraid to look at it. Now it just became a habit. A habit with one final intention. To make a end. The end of my own life.

There could be a painless way. Maybe some pills or magic. But for now I'll do it with the cutting. Just to remind me of all these things I'm not and probably never could be. I can't be the Benjamin Weir like Ethan knows. That Benny is happy, funny, goofy and loud. I'm not. I'm the upside of all these things. it's all an act.

Noybody's perfect they say. If you look at me, everybody is perfect. Everybody except me.

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**This chapter was 712 words long. Is that long enough. I don't know. Hope you guys liked it!**

**xxx**

**_When the hour is nigh_****  
****_And hopelessness is sinking in_****  
****_And the wolves all cry_****  
****_To fill the night with hollering_****  
****_When your eyes are red_****  
****_And emptiness is all you know_****  
****_With the darkness fed_****  
****_I will be your scarecrow_**


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